Memories Haunt

Yes they do, particularly the ones that leave a mark in the memory of your life for all time. Although I try to avoid looking through the glass of the past, there are times , it is difficult to feel overwhelmed. The memories flash back like a movie , and then take you on a journey for many hours.

My journey through these nagging memories is extremely painful. Every time I make this journey, my brain and heart hurt and I am consumed by the feeling of self-pity. I do not wish to be a part this solitary journey. I’d like to have a break which is so far away right now.

I am always wondering what happens to the person who has once lit up your memory lane could be so vulnerable to be a constant reminder. There’s a rational explanation that when we allow an individual take control of our heart, we offer him every reason to make use of it however it pleases him; either keep it or destroy it. Because I gave him all the necessary tools to get access to my heart and soul, he gained permission to break it however he liked.

Attractive, inspiring, and beautiful are the characteristics that would come to mind when I saw him. There was a magnetism within his personality that would draw my heart toward its magnetic pull. At first I thought of the sudden attraction to be something like an idealistic impression that occurs when you admire the person. But after a brief time, it dawned on me that this was something more than just the surface feelings of imagining someone as your ideal or a source of inspiration.

What was it? The answer was in the way he responded my advances toward him. Everyone believed that he was a resident of the walls of invisibility that were tagged as nobody’s property, however after he opened the door to this property that was no one’s to me, I took all opinions of others that were deemed to be untrue and invalid.

Then I entered the stage that is regarded by romanticists and poets to be the most appealing and soothing period of one’s life. love! When one is in this state, they fly like a bird, and can feel the fresh scent of flowers surrounding oneself. You feel like you’re ensconced with the seven hues of a vibrant rainbow. You can feel the love of your life in every pulse of your body. This calms your mind and heart like the soothing breeze or the refreshing sea waves.

My surprise is that in this stage of love, your memories are so uplifting. They provide you with a place from the the world and remain bound by the unspoken chain of love.

The world is not a place that can last for ever. Everything is designed to die. So how can my memories bring me the pleasure of a lifetime? Soon, all the positive statements, words, and quotes about love turned out to be fake. The love of my life no longer appeared as an angel praising my heart, but instead appeared as an uncontrollable monster waiting to devour and engulf me, loosing and tightening the grip on my neck, securing me between death and life.

He left and I was swept away in the deep gray sea of sadness, where the sharp, razor-edged memories were waiting to tear me apart for ever. Since then, I have been haunted by the memory of the so-called phase of love, which remains with me every breath.

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