Love Is Not

The week of Valentine’s Day is centered around different ways to show others that someone is concerned for or loves them. Flowers, hearts, sweets and trinkets are offered as a symbol of love, but not all of them are given in a way that is based on good intentions or with a healthy commitment.

We all believe that we are aware of what love is but we act in ways that don’t reflect our intentions. Here are a few things to think about:

It is not about love:

  1. It is important to give someone everything they desire because doing it, you are assuming that they will alter for the better. A lot of my clients have said that they thought that the money given to adolescent rebels will encourage them to go home. Not! People tend to follow their own interests and can’t be bribed or forced to do what other people want.
  2. Dodging issues and hoping that they will be resolved. Talking about it doesn’t mean taking action and the past behavior is usually an indicator of future behaviors. Hope and wishing isn’t the same thing as deciding.
  3. Accepting abusive behavior. We show people about how we treat others. If you’ve suffered abuse and you are forced to accept an apology, which isn’t sincere, you’ll likely get caught in a loop of abuse, followed by an apology, followed by violence.
  4. Time was served. The fact that you’ve been with someone for a certain amount of time doesn’t mean you’re healthy, safe or safe.
  5. Keep secrets. The root of the problem is based on dishonesty, deceit and shady actions. If you are required to hide something, it indicates that in your heart you are aware that you’re doing “no good”.
  6. It is easier to blame others than confront your own shortcomings. Many people don’t like looking at themselves in the mirror and see their own weaknesses. Instead, they blame others and disrupt the conversation by focussing on someone else.
  7. Requesting information on private matters. When children of adulthood want to learn more about the desires of their elder parents, they may appear as entitled and insensitive. A mindset of “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine too” can cause havoc in relationships!
  8. Remorse for past injuries or mistakes. It is not the best way to respond to those who have suffered. Concentrate on healing rather than trying to settle the issue.
  9. Enabling. There’s a program on the television that showcases people who weigh more than 600lbs. People who buy food items for the person who is unable to move or becomes bedridden are then required to look after the overweight person. If you allow someone to be ill to become obese, both of you have to pay for it.
  10. Engaging in games that involve emotions. False promises, sweet talk and cheating could be extremely damaging. Get rid of it!

When you’re thinking of being a Valentine it’s not enough only to focus on your partner.

Be mindful of how and when you express your affection. Are your actions and words good for you or are you in an the role of acting that is focused on only your own personal desires and needs?

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