Let Them Drown

I’ve always loved the expression “People don’t drown because they fall in the water. They drown because they stay there.” We’ve all met that person who is always is in trouble. They’re surrounded by chaos, and all they do is whine about how bad life has become. It took me many years to reach this point and I’m adamant that we let them drown.

A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a well-known psychologist who worked with a number of A-level stars. She provided me with the best tip. She observed that I was putting in an enormous amount of energy and effort on this particular client. She inquired why I was so focused? I explained that they required my help. She agreed however, you can’t do more then your customer. Wow! Simple, yet real. I, as many others were a good person with the most ideal intentions. However, intentions don’t help people. Actions do.

In my professional and personal lives adhere to the three times rule. If you contact me to ask for help and I do my best to create an atmosphere of safety, providing suggestions, or just listening to you, but you’ve not taken any action that I can take, I’ll leave you in the water. It’s not because I don’t love you or would like to help however, you are clearly not prepared to do the work.

We see this happening in the addiction recovery community constantly. You can simply join any Al-Anon or any other family support group that deals with addiction and observe how this concept is applied. Sometimes, in order to save or help people, you need to allow them to be get hurt. While it is difficult to watch a family member or a friend hurt, we are unable to be more patient than them.

I’m not sure that any would want to ignore those who are hurting. However, there comes an point at which all your efforts are falling upon the wrong side of. If someone is truly trying, then absolutely try to match their energy and effort in figuring to solve the issue. However when they remain in a shaky situation cut the rope, and offer prayers. However, you must move on.

I’m not talking about someone suffering from cancer, and isn’t improving. I’m talking about someone who is still reverting to the abusive relationship after the entire family of support has used up all their resources and energy to assist them. I’m talking about the person who is currently on their third DUI and is contacting for help to get out, even though they’re not paying you back and not even going to rehab in the case of the previous one. I’m talking about the person who’s always broke, but is living way above their means and wants cash to keep their utilities running.

It isn’t a sign of an unfit person to set the right to set boundaries. It isn’t a sign of someone who is bad to refuse to do so. Be mindful of the concept of 3. Since if they don’t comprehend the issue, or tried to fix it, you’re an enabler, and you aren’t helping them. The whole “Give a man a fish and he eats today. Teach him how to fish and he eats a lifetime.”

Giving someone a helping hand is a holy act. It is not a sacred act to enable someone. So , the next time that friend that is possibly is addicted to drama calls you to seek assistance, and your initial idea is to not do it again? Let them drown.

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